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Not Drunk Tonight

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Mar. 19th, 2008 | 11:16 pm

Low night.

I suppose they're bound to happen on occasion and I'm glad that I don't have low weeks or low months, but just the same, I can't help but feel like I want to crawl inside myself for awhile, until the next terrifyingly beautiful moment.

I have been having a lot of those, and I'm so startled that I'm having them again that it almost feels like I'm experiencing them through glass.  But it's all poetry, it's all there, and it's up to me to realize them.  Which I have been doing.  Being here... as painful as some things are, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.  Wandering around in this weather .... I'm not even quite getting that giddiness I was having right before spring break.  It's instead some sort of sense of quiet ... something.  Cohesive moments are starting to pull themselves together.  Last night?  My god, last night was how it should be.  A tranquil, quiet night around Calvert.  Everyone was where they were supposed to be, in a way.  White wine, low quiet conversation, islands of light among the dark.  Today was the startlingly mature magnolia blossoms, climbing trees, laughing, rolling around.  As I keep saying, how things should be, how things should be.  Maybe I should articulate that better, but that's the best I can do in the end. 

Tonight is work, but not as much as I thought.  I almost wish I wouldn't get my ass saved like this so much because then I continue to have truly awful study/work habits.  I suppose I'll have to pay my dues sooner or later. 

I'm honestly not even sure I want to go away next semester.  My choice may be made for me, depending on if I get in the program, but I haven't completely ruled out living in a townhouse next year. 

This morning I woke up to what I thought was someone dancing barefoot on the tile in my room.  It was somehow just Madeleine sniffing around and rattling something in her cage.   Odd.

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